I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
