But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
