if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
