Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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