I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
