Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
