I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
