If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
COCAINE IS GR8
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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