Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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