I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
