Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
