omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
