Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
