drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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