if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
