I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
