You just made me feel so damn special
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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