I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Actions speak louder than pants.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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