If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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