I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
