Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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