I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
