Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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