in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
