If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
