my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Couch. On fire.
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