His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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