shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
only if we run a train.
done.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
