I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
