She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
