Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
