I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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