i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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