First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
