i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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