you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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