it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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