Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
