i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
