it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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