My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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