I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
