Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
