theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
