The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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