It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
