Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
