No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
