Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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