a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
