I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
