He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
