Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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