Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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