The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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