I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
