Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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