I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
