I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
