Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
